Something about jealousy just brings the worst out in people. I’d like to think that I’ve gotten over that green-eyed monster inside me—but like I said: I’d like to think that I have. Maybe I’m pissy because I’m sick of school, or maybe I’m pissy because of a pretty recent realization: I’m awesome.
Okay, so that didn’t sound exactly how I wanted to…well, actually it did. Not to sound conceited or anything, but seriously, I think I’m pretty awesome. I mean, who wouldn’t want to date me. I’m funny; I’m fun; I’m a good person; I’m well educated; I’m down to earth; and I don't think I’m unfortunate looking. So what’s the deal? Am I not proactive enough? I mean sure, the balding soon to be 23 year old isn’t exactly a winning look, but I know that my personality more than makes up for my lack in the hair department.
Maybe that’s what’s the killing the entire scheme of things. Maybe my baldingness is just a large warning sign that I’m undateable? But I know I do a good job at making uncomfortable situations comfortable. I know that I am a people person. I know that I can easily connect with people. So what’s going on? I mean, I’m a damn good catch. I mean, sure the balding thing is a turn off, but at least I have to hope that I can win them over with my personality.
Everyone says that they don’t really care about looks and just wants someone who can make them laugh, or has a great personality. But after all this time, I think it’s just all BS. How many times have I heard people say, “They can be an adonis, but if they’re an asshole, it’s a real turn off.” There is some truth to that statement, because no one wants to date an asshole—BUT when it comes down to it, it really is based on looks. No one wants to admit to being shallow and superficial. We’d all like to think that we can judge people based on more than just their looks, but in the end we’re kidding ourselves.
And that’s the kicker. No matter how much I try to say that I’m a catch, that I’m such an awesome person, if people can’t SEE that, if people can’t see past my big ole baldingness, than I’ll never have that chance to show them what I have to offer. And that sucks. Scott, maybe you’re the one who’s insecure about your looks and don’t have enough confidence in yourself, you guys say. Sure, that’s somewhat true, but I’ve already gone on enough blind dates where the guys kinda balk when they see me, and even though I win them over with my awesomeness they want nothing more than just to be my friend.
I can only say that someone will eventually see me for me. All I can do is hope that people will begin to realize how much I can bring to the table and maybe just hope for that perfect someone. Even though it feels kinda hopeless, I just have to hold on to that feeling of hope. Or else I really have nothing else.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Tonight, something about seeing Tony act tipsy and start kissing other guys and making fun of me just didn’t sit well. I’m pretty sure it’s jealousy. I know that Tony and I will never happen, and I’m frankly not even that attracted to him, but something about it just didn’t sit well. I’ll get over it in a week or two, but yeah. I just wish I could keep my crazy in check. It seriously drives me well…crazy.
Post a Comment